simplicity

I'm glad to be where I am today, as hard as it's been picking up the pieces and moving forward at less than a snail's pace, I'm not stuck where I've been. Even with everything the way it is, even with the impending gray clouds of a storm always looming near by, I feel lighter, especially today. I can realize and admit mistakes, I'm not embarrassed to say what I shouldn't have done. It's an adult maneuver, to say I'm sorry for my part and to hope you will finally realize yours and that we can both continue on to something glorious, something real, something worth anything to get to and to keep. I will always wish that for you, I can't stop wanting everything for everyone, deserved or earned or gifted or stolen, I can't distinguish. I have a little girl heart, its desires remain through every trial, no matter the whats or the whos: a place to be, to feel in every bone that I belong where I am; my own tiny niche to hide and stretch in like a shady retreat in a desert. To be a part of a well oiled machine of a family, strong, in sync with itself, all its parts working together for the advancement of the whole, supporting and carrying and pushing and pulling, whatever it takes without end until the thing is done, until it's run the course. Accomplishing the sum of all the individual desires, learning and growing and shrinking and doing all the things we people must do, but never alone in suffering or joy.