what I realize and try to accept daily

You have nothing to offer me, the only one who can fix this mess is me.
It's hard, it's painful, it's slow, slow, slow but I can't lay down and I can't stop moving. The minute I let up I'm blown over by the slightest of breezes, the raging torrent takes over, the current pulls me in all the wrong directions and the sea swallows me whole. And no one's gonna pull me out. Fight for your life Fight for your life FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.

what's lacking

Still moments when you can ignore the cars in the background, feel the sunshine prickling your skin and suspend yourself amidst the bugs and the birds and the sounds tall old trees make when they bend with the breeze.

Waking up on the right side of the bed.

Secret garden days.

working backwards

Getting ahead of myself trying to catch up and cross things off lists and move things off of backorder to the front of my brain.

Cross examining my tracks, filling in missed days with pretend feelings felt on other dates, I went through a * phase in February.

This is the beginning of the new beginning again, for the zillionth time.

Don't fall behind, don't fall behind, and please don't run out of gas.

pouring some of my insides out

IT'S STILL SUMMER FOR NOW

It's occured to me I haven't restarted my computer in at least 2 months.