the sea anemone in me

Sometimes I say to myself: What am I trying to say? How will it sound and what will they hear? What am I showing the universe? What shines through, weakness or strength? You're only as good as your last mistake. What if it's been a lifetime of mistakes and u-turns and do-not-enters?

Other times it's what's the point of this, how will this end, will I regret starting this? Everyone always says there's a war waging in this world, in this lifetime, and it's good versus bad, light versus darkness. And I say it's not always clear which side is which. I pause mid-way through everything and second-guess my every move, every tug and which side it came from. Where am I heading? Who will be there when I finally reach the end? Will I even know when it ends? What if I end up on the wrong side, what if I'm already lost?