note to self

Inside my gut, deep inside, where no one has ever been and no light shines and it's simple and it's dark; That's where I need to go more often. It's not too hard to get there, if you know where to look. In fact it wants me to come down, it pulls me in and shows me exactly what I need to see, if I'll only let go of my anchors that float above and bind me to the surface; to the world, to each person and each problem and each bit of heartache. It's a reverse sea, I'm at the bottom but the bottom is the highest point. I shed everything and leave it floating on the surface: my facial expressions, my body language, eye contact when it gets so bad the feelings are dripping out like a leaky faucet and your sink's just filled freshly to the brink. But below? Below is only me and the current and the awkwardness of being below and knowing that just above everything is waiting, wondering where I've gone, trying to make contact and pull me back.

I have to visit more often.